Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
