I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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