No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
