Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
