We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
