so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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