i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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