I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
