Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
