the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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