Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
