This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
