Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
