So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
