Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
