would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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