Can Purell be used as lube?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
