im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His nipple licking is glorious
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