Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
