I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
