You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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