yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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