I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
