dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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