apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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