Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Vodka?
Forever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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