there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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