dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
