You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
