Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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