im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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