They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
