i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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