i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
