eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
