loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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