hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
