Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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