Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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