love makes seman taste better
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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