ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
