i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
is it fun? or sober?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
