Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
