4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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