my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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