I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
