yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
