508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
