eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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