So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
