kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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