Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
