i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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