I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
