i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
